Feelings

Ok, I'm going to write this post in english just because that way I feel a tiny little less exposed, since I really don't like talking about my feelings, but I think I need it right now.

Anyway, yesterday, which was wednesday, there was a party going on in one of the flats around where I happen to live, so of course nobody could sleep because of the sound. The party finished at around 2:30 in the morning and by the time it was finished 2 of my flatmates came out of their flats to complain about it with each other. They started talking about each of us, their flatmates, they said: "oh "f" is totally fine because she doesn't bother anyone, but "e" (that's me) is totally awkward", one of them said, and the other replied, "oh, yeah, totally creepy", "I've seen her at 3 in the morning looking out the window". So, as you can imagine I'm kinda hurt, well not hurt since I don't care what they think or say because I'm not even their friend, but still it is kinda sad that people think about you in that way. Oh, and I overheard them because I was awake doing some reading while the party died down and they were talking really loud in the hallway, how was I not supossed to hear them?!

What I'm trying to get at is: I feel like I need to cry just to be over with this feeling of...sadness(?) but I can't!! I'm not a crying person, I don't like to cry and if I can avoid it I just don't. But lately, even when I feel like I NEED to cry, I just can't. That's wrong, right? I feel like Cameron Diaz on The Holiday (I think that's the name of the movie?), where she forces herself to cry, but in her case she had a trauma or something, I don't, so why can't I cry?...

Whatever I just wanted to write about it, because that's what I do whenever I'm feeling down and since I have this blog which nobody reads, why not?...and if anybody reads it, maybe you have some advice to give :D

See you laterz alligatorz!

PD.- the reason why my flatmate may have seen me looking out the window at 3 am one day, is because I live on a ground floor and sometimes I hear noises out my window and I get scared! I have to see what's outside because sometimes some of the drunk students come to the plants outside my window to throw up, so I'm just being careful that it's not something else.

PD2.- I'm going tomorrow to Scotland!! I won't be able to post anything while I'm there.

PD3.- hmm this is many pd's, but I swear this will be the last you hear about this conflict, I'll be happy from now on :p